Beauty in the Breakdown

The hardest thing for me is to find beauty in how messy my life can get sometimes. Today, I had to have a private little attitude adjustment with myself. Kinda like when I would get in trouble in public and my mom or dad would take me to the bathroom to get a little swat on the hind quarters. Obviously, I didn't spank myself but I certainly had to have a heart to heart with the pity party happening in my head.

Side note: A lot of times, I see people post things on Facebook about how their life "sucks" or how they just cant get a break. I get it, I really do cause I've been their more than enough, but I never understood the point of posting it for the world to see. Here's where I might get a little hypocritical though, today I wanted to write about my struggles. Not so I can have your pity, because I surely have enough for myself already ;) But so I can share my breakthrough, my beauty in the breakdown. 

I've been stressed the last week or so, like mucho mucho stress. I think it started with the zit the size of a watermelon on my forehead that is starting to have a mind of its own ( kinda like the kid on Jimmy Neutron who has the talking boil on his face..haha). But it probably more of the fact that this Thursday I start a make-up lab 6pm-12am on top of full time academics and work.

 For the next three weeks, I will be getting up for my first class at 8am and will go to class until 2pm, work 2:50- 5:00pm, then go to class 6pm-12am.  12 hours of school a day... you've got to be kidding me.

In that three week period, I also have 4 essays, 6 tests, 1 group presentation, 1 portfolio due and I need to read a 300 page book.

Accordingly, I also have a very very important interview with Inverness hotel for my internship next Friday and 6 hours of community service.

Can you see why my mind is exploding?

So tonight after I finally got off of work at 7:45, I just wanted to lay in my bed and cry. I felt a sense of hopelessness, defeat and pity. I whimpered a few tears  and told Jordan that there was no way I could do it.

He promptly reminded me that I shouldn't feel hopeless, because I have God on my side and he is my hope. Right on cue, J.

I was being melodramatic, self- indulgent, pitiful, and outright ridiculous.

I started myself a bath, and let myself have 5 more minutes of pity and then spent a little time talking to God.

As I stepped out of the bath, I felt my weight being lifted. I even did a little chant for myself. "You can do it, you can do it! YOU CAN DO IT!" (corny I know)

I also thought of this verse, possibly one of the most used verses after John 3:16 (Go Tebow.. and God)

Why can't I ever trust this verse!? I know it to be so true and yet I let myself believe that life is impossible at times. My God has never forsaken me, why would he start now, when I need him most. 

I see the beauty in the breakdowns of my life when I step back and think about God taking over. I know that my control over things is costing me more than if I would let him have control.. I like seeing it put this way..

I have to continue to remember that He is here to help me through it all, as hard as it truly is. 

I am seriously working on this whole, give God all control and it will work out thing, it take practice weirdly enough. And while God is taking care of everything around me tonight, I will be writing a paper so great that it should be published ( still need a little pep talking, yah know ;)) 

Until Next Time,

Jasmine